Developmental Perspective

Toddlers (1–3 years)

Your toddler is now a better communicator of what he wants. He knows that his caretakers understand more of his requests. He has a longer attention span with more persistence than he did in his first year of life. The “terrible twos” occur because your toddler can now tell you with words what he wants and he discovers that in spite of understanding what he wants, you often do not satisfy his wish: playing with a breakable vase, having candy for breakfast, or playing with knobs on the stove are not permitted. As a result, it is developmentally normal to see more frustration at not getting what is wanted and more protest about it.

Managing mobility

Toddlers are more mobile, too. Once they can crawl, cruise, or walk, more supervision and energy are required in order to keep them safe and entertained. Depending on your level of fatigue and potential limitations in your mobility or capacity to lift a heavy, squirming toddler, you may need another caregiver to be with you to safely enjoy your toddler. Needing help can be a challenge logistically, financially, and emotionally. Though often hard for you, if the adults can find ways to work well together, the solutions to these challenges may add to the fun for your toddler.

Maintaining structure

Toddlers love to assert themselves, but they do best with structure and consistency. Ideally, you and the other caregivers can work together at achieving this. Temperament is a major factor determining how long a toddler stays upset after not getting what she wants or how quickly she is able to resume her usual eating and sleeping schedule after a disruption. Toddlers with more intense temperaments will need a greater degree of consistency, while those with milder, more flexible temperaments are likely to react less to changes in the regular routine.

Parenting tips

Help others maintain consistency. Post a note on the refrigerator or in your toddler’s room reminding other caregivers that in spite of protests, sticking to the routine works best. For example: Even if I fuss, put me into my crib after bath and one book at 8:00 p.m. I would love to play and play at night, but if you let me I will be more tired and grumpy all day tomorrow. Thanks! Sammy
Be prepared for the unexpected. Keep a diaper bag packed with food, treats, a toddler cup, wipes, diapers, and a change of clothes. Include a brief description of meal and nap preferences for those unexpected times when someone may need to watch your child and you are not available to answer questions.
Relax in a trouble-free play space. Create a safe, blocked-off area where your toddler can play and explore without needing to be chased or restricted from touching things. Then sit with her and enjoy playing.